Mike and Carol Pearson are an elderly couple in my church. They are very much a part of the church and enjoy its fellowship. Mike is into cricket and Carol can't understand why. They have two dogs. They both participate actively in the Sunday service - Carol often prays out loud during worship. But they're different from the rest of the congregation in one way - both Mike and Carol are completely blind.
Their two dogs are their respective guide dogs. They can only read the song lyrics during worship because they have a digital device that converts it into Braille.
Mike and Carol could choose easier options or wallow in self-pity - instead, they choose to try to lead as normal lives as possible. In doing this, I think they teach us one simple but profound lesson. They teach us that often, things needn't be as bad as they seem to be. They teach us that often, when one decides to make the best of an unfortunate situation, that one can mange better than one would have thought possible.And they teach us that by the clever use of technology, that one can overcome limitations and enjoy activities in a very nearly normal way. Mike and Carol - courageous, God-fearing, tech-savvy and also blind :)
Saturday 23 October 2010
Bovas
When I was about 6 or 7 years old, I had a hero. His name was Bovas. He was good at everything that a 6 year old boy thinks important. He played cricket like a dream - when he bowled, he would run from the end of the road and hurl the ball ferociously at the batsman as I watched open-mouthed. When, he batted, he dealt in sixers. He was also the best at football, his team always won.
But the reason I worshipped him is that he was a leader. Before he moved to our neighbourhood, we were a group of small boys of 6 or 7 years and another group of boys around 12 or 13 years old. After his arrival, he soon became influential. He then organised us into a team and challenged the team from the next neighbourhood to a tournament. Thus began a series of intensely contested cricket matches which make up some of my most vivid childhood memories. He then decided that we should start playing 'real cricket' with a leather cricket ball rather than a rubber ball. So, amidst protests from our parents, he introduced a Fund that each of us were to pay 5 rupees to every month. In 6 months, we had collected enough to buy a set of pads, a brand new cricket ball, a few cricket balls, stumps and a 'ball guard'. At the peak of his popularity, he inspired fierce loyalty from all of us - we looked to him for direction and wondered where he would take us next. Then, after his 12th standard, he didn't come to play anymore.
He was intelligent, flamboyant, confident but he was also poor. His father was a taxi driver and didn't have enough money to send him to college after 12th standard. So, he had to find work. When he used to play with us, I did sense that he had a vision for himself - that he badly wanted to break free of his circumstances. He seemed intent on making something of himself, of becoming famous. But ultimately, the poverty swallowed him. The last I heard of him, he had also become a taxi driver. A case of shattered dreams, suppressed initiative and wasted talent...but I hope it is some consolation to him that, in organising and leading those 6 and 7 year old boys, he also taught them dream boldly and work to achieve their dreams, especially when their circumstances allowed them to do so.
But the reason I worshipped him is that he was a leader. Before he moved to our neighbourhood, we were a group of small boys of 6 or 7 years and another group of boys around 12 or 13 years old. After his arrival, he soon became influential. He then organised us into a team and challenged the team from the next neighbourhood to a tournament. Thus began a series of intensely contested cricket matches which make up some of my most vivid childhood memories. He then decided that we should start playing 'real cricket' with a leather cricket ball rather than a rubber ball. So, amidst protests from our parents, he introduced a Fund that each of us were to pay 5 rupees to every month. In 6 months, we had collected enough to buy a set of pads, a brand new cricket ball, a few cricket balls, stumps and a 'ball guard'. At the peak of his popularity, he inspired fierce loyalty from all of us - we looked to him for direction and wondered where he would take us next. Then, after his 12th standard, he didn't come to play anymore.
He was intelligent, flamboyant, confident but he was also poor. His father was a taxi driver and didn't have enough money to send him to college after 12th standard. So, he had to find work. When he used to play with us, I did sense that he had a vision for himself - that he badly wanted to break free of his circumstances. He seemed intent on making something of himself, of becoming famous. But ultimately, the poverty swallowed him. The last I heard of him, he had also become a taxi driver. A case of shattered dreams, suppressed initiative and wasted talent...but I hope it is some consolation to him that, in organising and leading those 6 and 7 year old boys, he also taught them dream boldly and work to achieve their dreams, especially when their circumstances allowed them to do so.
Saturday 11 September 2010
Jonathan 'The Outlier' Haenen
His first degree was in Computer Science, his Master's in Philosophy, his PhD in Psychology. He is a tall, broad, curly-haired South African, but he doesn't possess the ruthless professionalism one associates with people from that country. He is not religious, but he yearns for a fairer order and has better intentions than the most religious people I know. Concepts and ideas are his currency, 'thought' is his area of expertise, but he does not want to stay in academia after his PhD - choosing business instead. Jonathan Haenen certainly doesn't lend himself to classification.
So, the only way to understand him is as an individual and so, that is what I seeked to do. The change of approach worked. I began to appreciate him for the genuinely deep thinker he was, began to marvel at his conceptual grasp of things. To hear him express his views is to get the sense that he has just been in a fight and won - a fight to untangle interwoven concepts and to dispel the mist surrounding a concept clearly understood. His thinking seems to have an angry edge to it, like he finds fuzzy thinking intolerable and has spent considerable time and energy reconciling his ideas with his existing knowledge. I always enjoy discussing things with him, especially controversial topics. You can be sure that you will be listened to sympathetically but objectively and get a well-thought-out response in return. And if he doesn't know, he will admit so. The few conversations I have had with him about the brain have been epic - there was this sense of two bulls locking horns, each spurring the other on to higher levels of cognitive prowess - higher and higher, faster and faster. They left me exhausted.
But most of all, I admire his egalitarianism. Talking to him, you get the sense that his education has really 'worked'. That because he has pursued his education with the objective of exposing himself to the best of human thought, that he has come away a much better person for it. He seems to understand in a deeper way, the ludicrousness of narrow prejudices, he seems to realise just that little bit more, the necessity of putting the greater good above self-interest. Talking to him, you also sense an exceptionally deep-rooted respect for other cultures and peoples. This expresses itself in intriguing ways - while other Whites I know have also enjoyed it, he is the White I know that has most enjoyed the Chennai Dosa experience (an authentic South-Indian restaurant in Reading,UK). I think this is because of his absolute openness to new cultures and different experiences, while for the other people, the experience was always tinged with some fear and reservation.
Of course, like everyone else (probably even more so), he also has his dark side. There seems to be a part of him that delights in the macabre. I remember how, when a group of us were coming back after watching a particularly morbid play, he was exclaiming enthusiastically about "enjoying the creepiness of it".
As a guy from a traditional Indian background coming to the UK, I always wondered what novel experiences awaited me. Jonathan has been one such novel experience - one that has opened my eyes to new possibilities of being, once one dared to venture out of the 'conventional' and 'familiar'. But on Tuesday (14th Sep 2010), he leaves back to South Africa and I might never see him again. So, here's wishing him a great life ahead - Jonathan Haenen, a genuine thinker, a good human being and an outlier in the nicest possible way :)
So, the only way to understand him is as an individual and so, that is what I seeked to do. The change of approach worked. I began to appreciate him for the genuinely deep thinker he was, began to marvel at his conceptual grasp of things. To hear him express his views is to get the sense that he has just been in a fight and won - a fight to untangle interwoven concepts and to dispel the mist surrounding a concept clearly understood. His thinking seems to have an angry edge to it, like he finds fuzzy thinking intolerable and has spent considerable time and energy reconciling his ideas with his existing knowledge. I always enjoy discussing things with him, especially controversial topics. You can be sure that you will be listened to sympathetically but objectively and get a well-thought-out response in return. And if he doesn't know, he will admit so. The few conversations I have had with him about the brain have been epic - there was this sense of two bulls locking horns, each spurring the other on to higher levels of cognitive prowess - higher and higher, faster and faster. They left me exhausted.
But most of all, I admire his egalitarianism. Talking to him, you get the sense that his education has really 'worked'. That because he has pursued his education with the objective of exposing himself to the best of human thought, that he has come away a much better person for it. He seems to understand in a deeper way, the ludicrousness of narrow prejudices, he seems to realise just that little bit more, the necessity of putting the greater good above self-interest. Talking to him, you also sense an exceptionally deep-rooted respect for other cultures and peoples. This expresses itself in intriguing ways - while other Whites I know have also enjoyed it, he is the White I know that has most enjoyed the Chennai Dosa experience (an authentic South-Indian restaurant in Reading,UK). I think this is because of his absolute openness to new cultures and different experiences, while for the other people, the experience was always tinged with some fear and reservation.
Of course, like everyone else (probably even more so), he also has his dark side. There seems to be a part of him that delights in the macabre. I remember how, when a group of us were coming back after watching a particularly morbid play, he was exclaiming enthusiastically about "enjoying the creepiness of it".
As a guy from a traditional Indian background coming to the UK, I always wondered what novel experiences awaited me. Jonathan has been one such novel experience - one that has opened my eyes to new possibilities of being, once one dared to venture out of the 'conventional' and 'familiar'. But on Tuesday (14th Sep 2010), he leaves back to South Africa and I might never see him again. So, here's wishing him a great life ahead - Jonathan Haenen, a genuine thinker, a good human being and an outlier in the nicest possible way :)
Wednesday 18 August 2010
Mitha
Below is the unedited text of my Toast to Mitha at her wedding. I worked very hard on it and so, it was most gratifying that it was well appreciated."Hi everybody. To those who don’t know me, I’m Nitin, Mitha’s brother.
As some of you know, as part of my Toast, I created a wordle of Mitha – a wordle is a picture summarising words from a list where the size of the words varies according to how often it occurs in the list. For this, I messaged each of her FB friends, asking them to get back to me with 1 word that they think describes Mitha best. I then created a list of the words and put it into a wordle generating software and what I got was this!
(show Wordle)
The first thing I thought when I saw the newly generated wordle was that it was worth the effort generating it…because I think it describes Mitha’s personality very very well.
There are many things you can read about Mitha’s personality from the wordle, but most of all, I think it shows:
i. what a people-person she is – the most common words are adorable, bubbly,
cheerful, sweet, vivacious
ii. how much fun she is to have around (how much she adds to social settings she
is part of)– size of words like entertaining, fun, happy, hilarious, jolly, crazy.
so yes, I think the wordle gives us a better idea of Mitha’s personality than I could ever give.
But as a tool to understanding Mitha’s personality, I think the wordle has one limitation. It gives us an idea of Mitha’s personality right now but it doesn’t show you how Mitha’s personality has evolved over the years and this is where I feel I can offer something that the wordle can’t.
So, from my experience, I would say that if we split Mitha’s life into 3 stages – childhood, adolescence and early adulthood, we would have three personalities which had a lot in common but also had a lot of differences.
Stage 1 – childhood
So, if we saw her in her childhood, I think we would see a very cute baby girl, but also a baby girl who knew what she wanted and how to get it! To illustrate this, I have brought a letter she wrote to Santa when she was around 6.
The letter starts with, “Dear Santa, I would like to thank you for the stuff you got me last Christmas. I really appreciate it, especially the boots”
But the next paragraph is the most amusing…she says “ What I would like for this Christmas are listed below and as usual, I give you 11 items and a choice of 8. (pause)…and then, she guides Santa about which items to choose, saying, “There are 3 main items which I hope you can get, especially the jeans” (show page 1of letter)
As you can see, she then goes on to list the items (in blue) –
She seems to really want jeans - the first item is “as many pairs of jeans as possible” in brackets, at least more than 5!! And this is 1 item !! and by now, she has decided that Santa doesn’t have a choice with this item, so in brackets, she writes in the spelling of a 6 year old, ‘compulsory’ !
So, now you know what I mean when I say she knew how to get what she wanted…
The letter ends with her making sure she keeps Santa on good terms (show page 2 of letter)
She says “I hope what I asked for is not too much (oh yes, it is!!). Hope you have a great Christmas”
Stage 2 – adolescence
Anyway, if we fast-forwarded to her adolescence, I think we would see a quite different person. At this age, I think the quality that best described her creativity. She deliberately set out to create her own style and everything she did had the stamp of her unique personality on it – whether it was the way she dressed, the way she decorated her room, her taste in music, the way she spoke, even the way she prayed!
Stage 3 – early adulthood
But again, I think if we fast-forwarded to her adulthood, we would see quite a different person. Although her uniqueness is still part of her personality, it is not the most prominent. For the past 3-4 years, I think the quality that best describes her is ‘other-peopleness’ and I think this has something to do with the fact that, in this time, she has gotten closer and closer to God.
For the past few years, she has been always warm, always encouraging, always patient, always understanding, always selflessly putting the interests of others above herself. To me, the depth and consistency of her love for others is clear a sign as any, of how God is in her and working through her.
Toast
So, that brings me to the toast. Today, she enters the 4th stage of her life – her married life. This stage is significant in 2 ways. One is, it such an important stage that we all gather together to usher her into this stage. But perhaps even more importantly, it is the only stage where we get to give something small back to this girl who has selflessly given us so much, by toasting to her happiness. So, let us not let this moment pass us by. Let us fully realise the poignancy of the moment and with feeling, toast to her health, happiness and marital bliss.
I hereby propose the toast! (check up specifics of how to do this)"
my Mother, the exemplary daughter
It took me some time to realise it, but my Mother really is an exemplary daughter. In big ways and in small ways, she has always tried to make her parents old age as comfortable as possible. In small things like making sure her parents got to see their grand-children (my sister and me) regularly, she used to display a determination I used to find hard to understand, but now I do. For their financial security, she initiated their buying land and building a house in Coimbatore - a shrewd investment which is now bearing fruit. As for looking after their health, she has always been more than willing to nurse them and when they needed any operations, she has always diligently found out the best hospitals and best Doctors to carry them out. The relationship she shares with her parents is also heart-warming - to her father (Thatha), she is and always has been his "little girl", while her relationship with her mother (Ammamma) has grown into a close friendship, both of them sharing every aspect of each other's lives.
Why did it take so long for me to realise what a good daughter she is ? Well, I think it is because she goes about her 'daughtership' very unassumingly and never draws attention to it. But without any fuss whatsoever, she consistently displays compassion, selflesslessness and maturity. I'm really thankful for a mother who has taught me, by example, how to be a child :)
Why did it take so long for me to realise what a good daughter she is ? Well, I think it is because she goes about her 'daughtership' very unassumingly and never draws attention to it. But without any fuss whatsoever, she consistently displays compassion, selflesslessness and maturity. I'm really thankful for a mother who has taught me, by example, how to be a child :)
Sunday 4 July 2010
Tirupur Thatha
A typical image that comes to mind when I think of Tirupur Thatha (my maternal grand-father) is him preparing for his post-lunch nap in his Tirupur home. We would have just finished a delicious lunch of rice and sambhar followed by curd rice and rasam and he would have changed into a white banian and white pyjamas. Lying face-down on the bed, he would be asking my grand-mother to find his spectacles that he's misplaced somewhere and calling me to massage his back. In half an hour, he would be up again, dressed smartly and ready to go back to his clinic. At around 8 pm, he would come back from work, cheerful, still active, usually with some fruits that he'd bought on the way. Simple, healthy, diligent, disciplined and happy - that is Thatha for you.
But above all, good. Goodness is the quality that best describes him and all his other qualities seem to follow naturally from this. Doing the 'right thing' comes naturally to him, as though it is the only thing one could do. He took care of his mother from the time she was 50 (and him 25) till she passed away at 106. He gave substantial financial support to his extended family for sustained periods of time. When there were floods in Tirupur, he sheltered Tirupur's slum people in his nursing home. When his patients didn't have money to buy their prescribed medicines, he bought it for them :).
I also enjoy watching him on big social occassions. Whenever there is a free microphone, he is never far away from it - to sing his favourite song or to express his views. He enjoys participating, being involved...even being the centre of attention, but enjoys all this in a humble, grounded way.
Humility is a pervasive characteristic in him, so much so that it is hard to notice. Because he thinks himself the same as everyone else, you think so too - until you realise that in many ways, he is better. In service-mindedness, he is definitely better. At the age of 80, he still goes almost every week-day to villages around Tirupur on a free-healthcare project, treating villagers for free using the opened-out back of van as his office-space. In his sense-of-duty, he is definitely better. On family holidays, he would often arrive a few days late or leave a few days early, because he wanted to get back to work. Countless times, on weekend visits to Coimbatore, he and Ammamma would hurry back to Tirupur on a Sunday evening so that he can be rested and ready for work on Monday morning. In brilliance and expertise in his profession, he is definitely better. His mother always told me of how he was one of the youngest ever graduates from medical college. Personally, I remember how accurate his diagnosis and prescription has been whenever I have fallen ill. His depth of understanding is superb - I remember him once giving my sister and me a detailed biological account of why pomegranates are good for us.
In Tirupur, he is famous - and famous is not too strong a word. Every single auto-rickshaw driver knows his name. He is loved, respected, admired, even revered.
But that brings me to the one thing I've never understood about Thatha. Most people strive for material success as a way of proving their worth, to be able to feel better than most people, to eliminate any chance of rejection in social situations, to always be accepted. Thatha has achieved all this and more. He is loved and respected more than anybody I know because of the service he has done rather than any material success. Yet, a part of him seems to want to succeed materially. Thatha, you've achieved what everybody else is striving for. Be assured of this fact and enjoy it. There is nothing left for you to prove to anyone.
There is a book called To Kill A Mocking Bird. The protaganist, Atticus Finch, is a lawyer, who unobtrusively and efficiently goes about his job and in every way tries to behave in accordance with the values he believes in. Thatha is the closest thing I know to Atticus Finch. Like Atticus, one would not associate him with the popular idea of a hero - he does not have bulging biceps nor a deep voice, he does not walk with a swagger nor has he punched down anybody in a fist-fight. But for those who know better, he is most definitely a hero - a gentleman hero. My Hero :)
Today (17th August 2010), Thatha passed away. He had suffered 3 to 4 strokes in the past few months. When I wrote this article, he had suffered his first stroke and could no longer read, but my Aunty (his daughter) read it out to him. I'm sooooooooo glad he could hear it and know how I felt about him :)
But above all, good. Goodness is the quality that best describes him and all his other qualities seem to follow naturally from this. Doing the 'right thing' comes naturally to him, as though it is the only thing one could do. He took care of his mother from the time she was 50 (and him 25) till she passed away at 106. He gave substantial financial support to his extended family for sustained periods of time. When there were floods in Tirupur, he sheltered Tirupur's slum people in his nursing home. When his patients didn't have money to buy their prescribed medicines, he bought it for them :).
I also enjoy watching him on big social occassions. Whenever there is a free microphone, he is never far away from it - to sing his favourite song or to express his views. He enjoys participating, being involved...even being the centre of attention, but enjoys all this in a humble, grounded way.
Humility is a pervasive characteristic in him, so much so that it is hard to notice. Because he thinks himself the same as everyone else, you think so too - until you realise that in many ways, he is better. In service-mindedness, he is definitely better. At the age of 80, he still goes almost every week-day to villages around Tirupur on a free-healthcare project, treating villagers for free using the opened-out back of van as his office-space. In his sense-of-duty, he is definitely better. On family holidays, he would often arrive a few days late or leave a few days early, because he wanted to get back to work. Countless times, on weekend visits to Coimbatore, he and Ammamma would hurry back to Tirupur on a Sunday evening so that he can be rested and ready for work on Monday morning. In brilliance and expertise in his profession, he is definitely better. His mother always told me of how he was one of the youngest ever graduates from medical college. Personally, I remember how accurate his diagnosis and prescription has been whenever I have fallen ill. His depth of understanding is superb - I remember him once giving my sister and me a detailed biological account of why pomegranates are good for us.
In Tirupur, he is famous - and famous is not too strong a word. Every single auto-rickshaw driver knows his name. He is loved, respected, admired, even revered.
But that brings me to the one thing I've never understood about Thatha. Most people strive for material success as a way of proving their worth, to be able to feel better than most people, to eliminate any chance of rejection in social situations, to always be accepted. Thatha has achieved all this and more. He is loved and respected more than anybody I know because of the service he has done rather than any material success. Yet, a part of him seems to want to succeed materially. Thatha, you've achieved what everybody else is striving for. Be assured of this fact and enjoy it. There is nothing left for you to prove to anyone.
There is a book called To Kill A Mocking Bird. The protaganist, Atticus Finch, is a lawyer, who unobtrusively and efficiently goes about his job and in every way tries to behave in accordance with the values he believes in. Thatha is the closest thing I know to Atticus Finch. Like Atticus, one would not associate him with the popular idea of a hero - he does not have bulging biceps nor a deep voice, he does not walk with a swagger nor has he punched down anybody in a fist-fight. But for those who know better, he is most definitely a hero - a gentleman hero. My Hero :)
Today (17th August 2010), Thatha passed away. He had suffered 3 to 4 strokes in the past few months. When I wrote this article, he had suffered his first stroke and could no longer read, but my Aunty (his daughter) read it out to him. I'm sooooooooo glad he could hear it and know how I felt about him :)
Friday 2 July 2010
Why ?!
We all come across many, many people in our daily lives. Only a few though, really influence us. Only a few leave a lasting impression. Quite simply, this blog is about 'those people' in my life :)
The people will be of all types. There will be family members who have influenced me, often without knowing it. Of course, there will be friends. But there will also be lots of mere acquaintances - people I've met just once or twice, but on those occassions have exerted such a favourable impression on me for qualities they possess, that they simply have to be made known. There will also be people I've observed from far - those I have met but have never met me :)
The qualities these people possess will be varied. I could describe the selfless humility of my Dad or the steady wisdom of my grand-mother. Or, it could be the determinedly secular outlook of my friend, Jonathan (Haenen) or the zest for life of Prof. Pete Grindrod from the Mathematics Department. It could be the 'other-peopleness' of my sister or the spotless genuineness of my brother-in-law, Gareth. It could be the striving for excellence of my supervisor, Slawek, or the courage to think BIG, of my other supervisor, Doug. It could be the perseverance of my writer-friend to get a break or the compassion displayed by my grand-father.
So, the blog is a celebration of these people and their qualities- to laud them for being just that little bit special. It is also a celebration of everyday life - a recognition that often, what we think of as our boring, mundane lives, are filled with exposure to values, attitudes, behaviours that have a much deeper meaning.
Enjoy :)
The people will be of all types. There will be family members who have influenced me, often without knowing it. Of course, there will be friends. But there will also be lots of mere acquaintances - people I've met just once or twice, but on those occassions have exerted such a favourable impression on me for qualities they possess, that they simply have to be made known. There will also be people I've observed from far - those I have met but have never met me :)
The qualities these people possess will be varied. I could describe the selfless humility of my Dad or the steady wisdom of my grand-mother. Or, it could be the determinedly secular outlook of my friend, Jonathan (Haenen) or the zest for life of Prof. Pete Grindrod from the Mathematics Department. It could be the 'other-peopleness' of my sister or the spotless genuineness of my brother-in-law, Gareth. It could be the striving for excellence of my supervisor, Slawek, or the courage to think BIG, of my other supervisor, Doug. It could be the perseverance of my writer-friend to get a break or the compassion displayed by my grand-father.
So, the blog is a celebration of these people and their qualities- to laud them for being just that little bit special. It is also a celebration of everyday life - a recognition that often, what we think of as our boring, mundane lives, are filled with exposure to values, attitudes, behaviours that have a much deeper meaning.
Enjoy :)
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