Driver Ramasamy

When I was 6, we had a new driver join us, to drive and take care of our Mahendra Jeep. I was in 1st grade and I remember seeing him for the first time when he took my sister and me to school. He was thin and quite tall, his complexion was as black as coal - giving him a sort of pleasingly unambiguous dark appearance. He wore a white shirt and a white veshti. The enduring image of him in my head is of him loosening his veshti, pulling it up nonchalantly and fastening it with a tight knot - all done with a quick-silver dexterity, borne of years of experience. At first glance, there was nothing striking about him, except perhaps that he carried himself with a confidence and pride quite out-of-proportion with his station and physical stature. This characteristic of his earned him the sarcarstic nickname of "King",from my friends.

I remember asking my mother what his name was. "Ramasamy", she replied. At that time, we had other servants in the house for cooking and general housekeeping - Sarasa for our family upstairs and Anthoni for my grand-parents downstairs. Anthoni left afterwards, and so did Sarasa. They were followed by a seemingly endless succession of servants-Ramatha, Devi, Padma, Dhana, Mallika, Mary, Ratna,Vanitha.

But 21 years on, Ramasamy is still going strong...

Not just in his length of service but also in his behaviour, there were noticeable differences from others of his class. He seemed to possess a self-respect and assuredness in himself that was rare. I have never seen him feeling anything less than completely adequate. I remember him once boldly striding into my 60-strong classroom in his simple shirt and veshti, to hand me my lunch ( I had forgotten it at home). When he was impatiently waiting for my friends and me to finish playing cricket in school, so that he could take us back home - he would shout, scream, rant, rave but never plead, beg,beseech...

He had his own code of conduct and within this framework, he had a firm integrity. While alcoholism and smoking is rampant among men of his class, he was free from these habits. We was punctual and very very regular. He seldom asked for holidays, sometimes even reporting for work inspite of illness. He tended to the car like it was his own. He considered the car not so much his office, but his palace! (lending further weight to the King analogy). Of course, he had his own idiosyncracies. He could be moody. Sometimes, he would flatly refuse to drive my mother somewhere. The male-chauvinism inherent in his upbringing probably helped him feel justified in refusing orders from a woman younger than him.

But beneath these apparent marks of disrespect was a complete loyalty. While other servants would behave friendly outwardly, one could never be sure of their sincerity. In contrast, Ramasamy was undemonstrative but when there was an urgent need, we could be sure of his immediate and willing help even at personal cost to himself. Probably, this loyalty sprung out of affection for us. Over the years, it seemed that he identified himself with us - to the extent that he enjoyed our successes and despaired at our failures. When I go home from the UK, I can sense his pride that I am doing well in the UK. When my British brother-in-law first came down to India to ask for my sister's hand in marriage, he also had to pass a thorough evaluation by Ramasamy. I think the relationship Ramasamy shares with our family is an example of how a master-servant relationship can be completely honourable - when it is based on mutual respect and even affection. In a very real sense, Ramasamy is part of the family :)

Inna (grand-mother)

My grand-mother was around 50 years of age when I was born. Since I was little, I have never known her to not be busy, to not be in a position of responsibility, to not be making big plans for some venture. So, I was surprised when I grew a little older to learn that her parents had denied her permission to get a college education - girls in India those days were, by and large, only allowed a school education. Inna had stoutly resisted of course, and many protestations and a hunger-strike after, she was allowed. After she finished her first degree, she was marshalling her powers of persuasion to obtain permission to study further when her parents decided enough was most definitely enough and got her married - to my grand-father.

I was also befuddled to learn that for about the first 20 years of her marriage, Inna was a house-wife. By all accounts, she kept a model home and provided a stable and supportive environment for my grand-father to excel in his career. Then, at about 45 years of age, she launched her own career. She trained in art and began producing paintings with a distinctive theme - Jesus in Indian contexts. I remember her paintings from when I was young - the firm but graceful lines of her sketches, the understated but confident colours, the feminity and poise of the female subjects in her paintings. And then, there was Jesus - manifestly human but clearly displaying the most divine qualities; humility, gentleness, love...

At about the same time she started painting, she also started an Interior Decoration business and soon gained a city-wide reputation for her creative but professional style of decoration. She also assumed some management roles - she was made Secretary of a Women's Vocational Training Centre and substantially enhanced its profile. A bit later, she also became involved in a number of social work initiatives.

30 years on and she has lost none of her enthusiasm. In the course of these 30 years, her artist career has blossomed - people in possession of her paintings include the Pope and the Archbishop of Canterbury. Her penchant for management has also opened up major avenues for her. About 12 years back, she conceptualised and oversaw the building of an Arts & Science College funded by the Church of South India. Under her stewardship, the Institute has grown by leaps and bounds and is now considered one of the best in Coimbatore. Recently, she also provided the impetus to start a Teacher's Training Institute, also funded by the Church. She has also encouraged a number of social work initiatives - a major project on rehabilitation of women prisoners, another on providing basic education to children on the fringes of Coimbatore. And 3 years back, at the age of 75, she embarked on her PhD on Women Studies...

But the reason I admire is her is something far more valuable than mere accomplishments - I admire her wisdom. To hear her express an opinion is to hear the result of years of careful consideration. The sense that she is saying something precious is almost tangible. Often, I have come away feeling consciously enhanced after listening to her.

I have learnt a lot by observing her people-centred attitude to life - on many occasions, she has waived fees for poor students and enabled them to get an education. Once, when one of her office staff was found stealing, she admonished him, forgave him and offered him a second chance. A student from her college once told me that the reason he has great affection for her is that, even though she is strict, he could clearly see that it was out of concern for him.

Humility is also a characteristic of her interactions with her God and with other people - she refers to God as avare (a term of respect for an elder); one of her closest friends in our church is a 12-year old girl called Percys. Her opinions are unfailingly balanced - when I was excitedly jabbering on about India's unprecedented economic growth, she quietly pointed out to me that almost half of all Indians were below the poverty and that our attitude should always be tempered by this reality. When I was self-righteously expounding to her that individuals should be concerned with fulfulling their responsibilities rather than availing of their rights, she punctured my argument by explaining how both rights and responsibilities should be honoured in a model society.

Her most distinctive quality however, is the way she enjoys the simple things in life. She takes great delight in even the simplest of jokes, especially when made by one of her grand-children. On family outings, to ice-cream parlours for example, she is usually the most excited. She firmly believes that one should learn to enjoy novel experiences - I once remember her telling me I should enjoy the novelty of having a cold in the summer! The most recent occasion that I saw her enjoying life's little pleasures came on the last day of my holiday in India. We were all going to the beach just near our resort and I persuaded her to come along because I thought she'd enjoy it. After leading her to the sea-shore, I became occupied talking to my cousins, but turned back a little later to see her standing just close enough to the water to get her feet wet. I smiled to myself but didn't think much of it at the time. Three weeks later, I had come back to the UK and received a birthday card from her. After wishing me a Happy Birthday, she had written, "I thank you for persuading me to go to the beach on the final day of our holiday. I had the joy of standing near the waves after so many years. Thank you my precious grandson Nitin! - Your loving Inna"